


Travel Through Your Blood Until

by made_ofstardust



Series: Life in Lyrics [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: (ish?), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Squip, Rare Pairings, Slow Burn, but i tagged underage just to be safe, has some boyfs but not all boyfs, please give my baby a chance, the explicit rating is for things at the very end, this fic has taken my entire soul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 15:44:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13484682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/made_ofstardust/pseuds/made_ofstardust
Summary: "Feels like you're missing a part of yourself, doesn't it?" Rich commented at his temporary roommate, nodding sympathetically, hoping against hope he came across as casual, as normal, as if nothing about him had changed, as if his whole world hadn’t just shifted on its axis. Jeremy blinked at him, looking bewildered, his eyebrows scrunched together slightly and his mouth just barely open and Rich’s eyes widened imperceptibly. Shit.orIn which Rich has a lot of feelings for one Jeremy Heere and has no idea how to navigate, like, anything.





	Travel Through Your Blood Until

**Author's Note:**

> i have poured by sweat blood and tears into this goddamn fic  
> i really love rich and jeremy together? and rich doesn't get enough attention from anyone? so i wrote this.  
> i wanted to add more with rich and his friendships in the place that the intermission is, originally. i tried over the course of a month and a half or so and kept hitting a wall, so i put the intermission and left it how it was. jenna, christine, and chloe didn't get the character development they deserve at all, and jake and brooke had a lot to be desired. i do apologize for that.  
> i would love some feedback, as this is my first time writing for this fandom!!  
> pls enjoy!!!

"Hello?" Rich flinched in his hospital bed, startled by Jeremy finally stirring in the adjacent bed. _Damn, Michael's gonna be pissed that he’s not in here_. Rich guessed that at least he wouldn’t have to keep wallowing in his boredom, however, so that was a perk. "Ow. _Ow ow ow ow ow_ ," Jeremy groaned, his hands flying up to his head. Rich decided to speak up, stuffing his rising, cottony concern down inside himself.

"Feels like you're missing a part of yourself, doesn't it?" Rich commented at his temporary roommate, nodding sympathetically, hoping against hope he came across as casual, as normal, as if nothing about him had changed, as if his whole world hadn’t just shifted on its axis. Jeremy blinked at him, looking bewildered, his eyebrows scrunched together slightly and his mouth just barely open and Rich’s eyes widened imperceptibly. _Shit_.

"Rich?" he questioned, tilting his head, a faint blush dusting his cheeks. _Shit, shit, shit, what the fuck, he's so cute._ Rich shook himself from his thoughts, because honestly, now is _not_ the time to think about it.

"Hurts like a motherfucker, too. Be honest, what are they saying about me at school?" Rich lisped. His heart sank slightly when Jeremy glanced down at his own hands and he felt like there was a boulder that was settling just below his stomach. "That bad?"

"Sorry..." Jeremy mumbled. Rich laughed quietly, smiling at the guilty adolescent when he looked up, seeming surprised by Rich’s nonchalance, and yet how could he think Rich wanted him to be sorry when he was able to be himself again?

"Sorry? I'm finally free of that shiny happy hive mind! When I get out of here, the ladies are gonna learn to love the real Richard Goranski." Rich paused for a moment. Oh. So that’s why he was so distracted. "And the dudes. Oh my god, I'm totally bi!" Jeremy snorted softly at him as Rich grinned, wide and just this side of snarky, trying wildly to mask his inner panic and bracing himself for a shock until-

"Your squip's gone? But how?" Jeremy was confused again, and wow, _why does he look like a kicked puppy I cannot handle this shit-_

"Ask your buddy. Anti-social headphones kid? He's been by like, a ton, by the way. What is he, your boyfriend? No judgement. Just curious. Totally bi now." Rich was definitely more than just curious, finding himself hoping against hope that there was nothing going on there because he would very much like to be owned by Jeremy Heere and _~~wow since when am I like that~~_. Jeremy opened his mouth to reply when he was cut off by the door opening, Michael himself strolling into the room. Rich jumped at the noise, startled, masking it poorly with a clearly-fake sneeze.

"I'm sure someone special will be lucky to have you, Rich," Michael stated, easily, calmly, sending him a blinding grin. Rich quirked his lips up with furrowed brows, looking at him, hoping. _Please be right_. Also, why the fuck did Michael have to have the worst timing in the history of the planet? Rich absolutely needed to know if they were an item, thank you very much.

"You think?" Michael and Jeremy both nodded, Jeremy’s smile wobbly and fearful, before Michael pulled the curtain shut for some privacy that Rich wouldn’t give him. He carefully eavesdropped on the conversation, gathering intel on how the squips were deactivated and _oh, that kinda makes sense_ , tilting his head at Mr. Heere when he entered and eventually pulling the curtain aside when he felt the need to comment on Jeremy’s love life. He flashed Jeremy a huge grin and winked as he said, "No, man, you tell her that she excites you sexually, and that's the way you get to her heart," half expecting a shock for being wrong. He felt a mild aching in his chest but ignored it to the best of his ability. His feelings weren’t as important as this was.

* * *

 

Rich stared at the TV in front of him blankly, eyes foggy over and unfocused as he gazed at yet another re-run of the same episode of _Property Brothers_ on HGTV. He sighed through his nose, burns itching, and turned to look at the clock. After that useless focus change, he huffed, contemplating if he could somehow stand up in his full-body cast and go bang his head against the wall until he blacked out.

He heard someone clear their throat gently and flicked his eyes towards the door, expecting yet another nurse, but making a high, surprised keening noise when he saw Michael Mell giving him a sheepish grin. Wow, fuck, that was embarrassing, definitely not an okay thing to do, and he braced himself for the shock that never came. Oh, right. Person. Okay. “Hey, did you leave something important here when you all left, or...?” Rich trailed. Michael blinked.

“You,” he answered. Rich sputtered on the whisper of a clever response that had been building in his throat, blinking and verbally flailing for words to respond. Michael snorted and rolled his eyes. “Breathe, dude.” Rich struggled for a moment more before he took a deep breath, shutting his eyes and marveling briefly at the lack of haunting electric blue behind his eyelids. He exhaled and lifted his eyelids, offering a timid smile to Michael.

“Hey, headphones kid,” he snarked, teasing, making Michael roll his eyes and let out a snort as he pulled the door shut and crossed the room in four long strides, settling in the chair next to Rich’s hospital bed.

“Hey, short stack,” he countered. Rich laughed genuinely, surprised and delighted by this new development. He watched with interest as Michael swung his backpack around, faded _‘riends’_ still prominent on its front. A triumphant noise came from the Filipino boy, breaking Rich from his stupor as he pulled out a Gameboy and a plethora of old, worn games. Rich raised an eyebrow. “Figured you could use some entertainment.” The _and a friend_ went unsaid, but Rich appreciated the gesture, nonetheless.

“I guess you and your archaic games will work,” Rich sighed, looking put-upon, and Michael let out a short, loud laugh. He started up the system, humming so quietly Rich could just barely trace it, and smiled in satisfaction once his game of choice was running, turning to make sure Rich would be able to see. Amidst some ridiculous, albeit expected, comments from Rich, they’d occasionally sneak in a serious exchange or two, creating a carefully balanced conversation that not only got the negativity out into the air, but was lighthearted enough to prevent any anxiety it may have caused either of them.

“So…” Rich trailed. Michael glanced up and raised an eyebrow, humming in acknowledgement. “You and Jeremy.” Michael’s face fell slightly and Rich panicked. “Youdon’thavetoanswerifyoudon’twantto!” Time seemed to freeze as Michael gave him an odd look. He blinked. He blinked again. And, to Rich’s mortification, burst into laughter.

“What did you even _say?_ ” he snorted, curling in on himself as laughs spilled from his mouth and filled the air. Rich pouted, wishing he could fold his arms as he sat and listened to Michael’s immense amusement. The taller boy spouted out some quick, indecipherable gibberish and continued laughing until he did the unspeakable.

He snorted.

There was another pause for a moment before Rich started cackling and Michael joined in, the sounds echoing around the room and filling the space behind Rich’s eyes with a pleasant buzzing instead of the cottony emptiness that he’d felt since the loss of his squip. Once they’d calmed down, Michael settled back into his chair and sighed. Part of Rich yearned to reach out and comfort him, but not only was the cast preventing that from being possible, Rich was unsure as to if it’d be appreciated or socially appropriate or if he was even _allowed_ to-

Wait.

“Not a thing,” Michael stated, mouth resting oddly. Rich sucked in a breath through his nose, not sure whether to feel relieved for his own peace of mind or saddened by the expression he saw settle on Michael’s face. “He likes Christine. It’s- it won’t happen.”

Rich frowned and wished he could hug him. “I’m sorry for bringing it up,” he said sincerely, hoping that he hadn’t made a wrong move in saying so. Michael offered him a pained, earnest smile. _Thank god._

“It’s okay.” They sat in silence for a moment. Rich figured he should maybe explain why he asked, but was hoping against hope he wouldn’t have to, until- “Were you asking because of me or because of Jeremy?” Michael asked, raising an eyebrow.

Rich sputtered, blinking and wishing he could cover his red face. “I- um, I- just- just curious?” he questioned. Michael gave him a skeptical look but Rich tried to hold the smile (read: grimace) he had on his face. Michael’s eyebrows raised a little higher and he cracked. Rich mumbled out a “Jeremy” and Michael grinned. _Not that I didn’t have a crush on you freshman year_ , he added silently.

“Guess we’re in the same boat, then.”

“Guess we are.”

* * *

 

Rich took a deep, shaking breath, staring at the parking lot ahead of him, dread caging his heart and seeping into his lungs. He tried to breathe, eyes shut and mouth quivering, his hands white knuckled against the steering wheel as he tucked his chin to his chest. _I can do this,_ he thought timidly, trying desperately to convince himself. _I can do this!_ Firmer that time, he braced himself, floundering for control, wishing he didn’t have to go back.

On the first of December, a few brief weeks after the loss of his squip, a month and a day after the loss of his dignity and friends, Rich stepped out of his car and began approaching Middleborough High. With his bag slung over one shoulder bursting with the homework he missed and a tank top that allowed him to unabashedly show his burn scars, Rich ran a hand through his hair before opening the door, holding his spine straight and his head high as he began his march towards his locker, just as the squip had programmed him to do.

Whispers trailed behind him like smoke as he walked down the hallway and he blocked them out as best he could. _I can’t, under any circumstances, let them get to me_. Two minutes of torture later, Rich stood in front of his locker, opening it cautiously. A torrent of papers drifted to the floor, each one with some variant of ‘bastard’, ‘arsonist’, ‘psychopath’, and the like splaying themselves at his feet. He ignored the way he felt raw, as if he’d been flayed open for everyone to see the way his intestines churned with guilt, and focused on the familiar, thick smell of sandalwood incense that clung to his belongings. He’d always liked sandalwood; it was nice, heady, and it covered the stench of alcohol that trailed him whenever he walked through his house.

He rummaged through the locker, collecting the stray insults before he pulled back, shutting the metal door with a clang. He bent down and snatched up all the paper on the floor, taking the decent sized stack with him and shoving them into the trash carelessly as he walked towards his first period. He huffed out a breath and rolled his eyes as he noticed pointing, a super fun addition to all the whispers and glares.

He faltered as he turned the corner, seeing Jeremy talking animatedly to Michael at Michael’s locker. Rich blinked and continued, hesitantly deciding to not talk to them due to his inability to know what it was he should do. Just because Michael visited him often in the hospital didn’t mean that Rich had any room to speak to him at school. There was the chance that he’d just been being kind while he needed kindness and Rich didn’t want to deal with the idea that he wasn’t meant to talk to Michael outside of the hospital.

He was, however, proven wrong, as Michael spotted him and grinned, waving wildly. Rich swallowed, nervous, as Jeremy turned slowly, and Rich shot them both a hesitant smile as he redirected himself to approach them. “Rich, my buddy! You didn’t tell me you were coming back today,” Michael exclaimed, giving him a nudge. Rich laughed and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Sorry, I didn’t find out until Friday that I’d be discharged in time, so…” Michael nodded understandingly. Rich looked from Michael to Jeremy to Michael again, hesitant to say anything further. He felt a hand on his arm and _wow, okay, that’s a thing._ He looked up at Jeremy and was surprised to see him with an awkward smile on his face.

“I, uh- I’m- I’m glad that you’re, y’know, back,” he said, retracting his hand to gesticulate, waving at nothing as he rocked on his heels. Rich felt air ghost over his forehead and caught the slight smell of dryer sheets and something else before he processed what was said. He gave what he hoped looked like an easy smile, shoving his hands in his pockets and shifting his weight to one foot.

“Good to be back,” he responded, trying to come across as calm, as confident, and as unbothered by the gossip that all three were well aware was haunting him. Rich just wanted everyone to change their profile pictures back. Jeremy’s smile became a bit less awkward and the crinkle in his nose righted itself. Michael snorted, clapping Rich on the shoulder.

“Imagine being gone for long enough it’d be _good_ to be back.” His voice was teasing and dramatic and Rich rolled his eyes before they zeroed on in Jeremy, who had let out a loud, piercing laugh before clapping his hand over his mouth, eyes smiling and _what the fuck_. Rich listened to the muted giggles that were muffled behind his hand and bit back a smile.

He defended himself with a, “Come _on_ , you’d be bored, too.” Michael and Jeremy began some mindless chatter that Rich felt content to just listen in on, still aware of the emptiness in his skull but making an effort not to focus on it. This, however, led to his attention being held by Jeremy. His head angled upwards as he took in Jeremy’s face, open and content, a wide smile on his lips as he and Michael geeked out about some game or another. Rich felt his gut clench as he observed his blue cardigan and the curve of his throat and he quickly shook himself from his stupor.

He went to interject on the best Mario Kart character, citing Yoshi, when the shrill, unwelcome sound of the bell interrupted his train of thought. His breath was pulled out of him and he deflated slightly, bidding Michael and Jeremy goodbye as his feet dragged towards his first period. It was good to be back to his escape from home, but it wasn’t good to be back to the work.

* * *

 

Michael groaned as **GAME OVER** flashed on screen, angry red against black, black, black. Rich sighed and fell back onto the beanbag, rolling his head lazily to look at Michael as the hoodie-clad gamer whined, "We were so close! That's the 15th try today!" Rich rolled his eyes and swatted at the heavyset boy lightly.

"Bro, it's just a game," he stated, getting an appalled glare from Michael.

" _Bro_ , it's my favorite game, and I should be able to beat it!" Rich laughed as Michael slumped over in defeat. "Have you thought about reaching out to him?" Rich's face sank slightly and he shook his head.

"No, it's not- I just- I don't feel like he'd want me to," Rich mumbled uncomfortably. It had been two months since the play, since he'd been freed. Liberated. At this point in mid-January, Michael had secured himself the position of Best Friend **™** , Rich and Jake not having spoken much since Halloween. They still talked, and Jake visited Rich a few times in the hospital, but it wasn’t ever the same between them. The loss of his best friend as well as his squip still sometimes had him floundering for control.

"Rich, no one will understand what either of you is going through better than each other. You should talk to him," Michael prodded, standing and walking to the mini fridge in the corner. "Mountain Dew Red?" At Rich's nod, Michael tossed him a bottle and grabbed one for himself, kicking the door shut behind him.

"It's just so-" Rich ran a hand through his hair to prevent himself from fidgeting. "Complicated." Michael sat heavily in the beanbag next to him and pat his knee comfortingly. Rich avoided his eyes, wishing more than anything he knew what to say, what to do, how not to be so emotional and _lame_ and-

"I know," Michael soothed, smiling a pained smile. "But Rich, I can't help him. He won't talk to me. Especially after he and Christine broke up, he's wallowing in his own guilt over what happened and I don't know how to help him anymore. I love him. I love him so much it hurts and sure, he's a raging bisexual,” Rich let out a snort, “but he made it clear when he came out that he wouldn't do anything to endanger our friendship and I'm trying to move on but I haven't yet. Seeing him like this is killing me. Please, can you try?" Rich shut his eyes for a moment, picturing Jeremy pushed up against the wall of the bathroom the day Rich told him about the squip, wide blue eyes and deep red blush and big navy cardigan and stupid striped shirt and full lips and _this was all his fault he could never deserve Jeremy and_ -

"I'll do it." Michael let out a cheer and Rich pinched the bridge of his nose as he let out a heavy breath through his nostrils. _Shit_.

* * *

 

"Hey, tall ass, wait up!" Jeremy whipped his head around as Rich jogged towards him.

"Uh- yeah?" he questioned, fiddling with the sleeve of his ~~stupid fucking sweater~~ cardigan.

"Are you free after school?" Rich questioned casually as his mind screamed because _holy shit he was doing this this was happening oh my-_

"Yeah, I think so, why?" Jeremy's head tilted and he looked at Rich with curiosity in his eyes, blinking a few times, and holy shit Rich wanted to push him against the lockers and lick into his mouth and- _nope, time to focus_.

"Because we're bi pals and should hang out. Mine or yours?" Rich said, giving a cocky grin to cover up his very not platonic thoughts. Jeremy sputtered and flapped his hands for a minute and Rich kept looking at him expectantly, crossing his arms.

"U-um, mine, I guess?" Jeremy stuttered. Rich smiled widely.

"Rad, I'll meet you at your locker after sixth, I'll drive," he proclaimed, grinning and shooting finger guns before turning to go to class. Jeremy’s hands started flailing again.

"O-okay? Do you even know where my last class-" Jeremy faltered as the bell rang, "is?" He shook his head lightly and went the opposite direction than Rich did. God, he _hated_ AP Chem.

* * *

 

Jeremy arrived at his locker to the sight of Rich leaning against it, arms folded, watching for him. Once he saw Jeremy, he perked up considerably. "Hey, tall ass!" Rich greeted, smiling easily as he pushed himself off the metal with his shoulder.

"Hey, Rich," Jeremy said with a hesitant smile pulling at the corners of his mouth, and Rich would like to kiss the corner of his mouth and then the rest of his mouth, and _shit, there goes the crush again_.

"You ready?" he asked as Jeremy finished stuffing things into his locker. _Disorganization. Cute._ Jeremy looked down at Rich and gave another hesitant grin.

"As I'll ever- sorry, yeah," Jeremy cut himself off, closing his eyes for a moment. Rich pursed his lips sympathetically and grabbed Jeremy's wrist.

"Then come _on_ , tall ass, I don't like to be kept waiting!" Rich started dragging Jeremy down the hall, ignoring his heart beating harshly and his stomach dropping, focusing instead on the tingling feeling in his neck and the blush that had soaked itself underneath Jeremy's freckles when Rich had taken his wrist, considering what constellations he may find in them if he had the chance and- _shit._

They approached Rich's Dodge Challenger and Jeremy laughed. "Of course that's your car," he snickered, nudging Rich teasingly as he took in the red and the tacky black stripes. Rich's heart sped up as he gave a gasp in mock offense.

"Don't insult the car!" he exclaimed before snorting. "Nah, insult the car, the fucking Siri knockoff made me buy it, it's tacky as hell." Jeremy scrunched up his nose and smiled.

"Well, I like it. It suits you." He smiled and Rich rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah." As Rich started the car, he gestured at the aux cord. "You can choose the jams but if you play trash, I'll fight you," he threatened. Jeremy snorted quietly as he plugged in his phone. After a moment of scrolling while Rich backed out and approached the street, fucking Rick Astley began blaring through his car. "What kind of shit music tastes-" Rich started as Jeremy fell into laughter, shoulders shaking and hand clapped over his mouth. Rich smiled fondly and swatted at Jeremy until he finally played something _decent_ , the shit bag. The rest of the car ride was spent laughing, joking, and Rich's mind was still for just a few moments, burn scars forgotten, empty space in his head filled now with thoughts of the sweet, awkward, tall boy in his passenger seat. _Shit_ , he thought gently.

* * *

 

Soon enough, Thursday became Rich and Jeremy's day to hang out and eat junk food and watch stupid gaming channels _~~and for Rich to slowly die a painful, painful death.~~_ Jeremy soon became a steadying presence in Rich's life, someone to pinch him when he got too lost in his head, someone to whisper the answer to a question when he was zoning out in class, someone to sit and make shitty jokes with. Paired with Michael, Rich's walls were inch by inch, step by step, _~~kill the cripple~~_ \- no, Rich, stop, enough Rocky Horror references- being pulled down. Which was _really fucking scary_. And sometimes Rich swore he could hear the echo of _its_ voice in the back of his head, he swore it just often enough to be paranoid about it coming back, and Jeremy was always there with quiet understanding, and Michael always came armed with Mountain Dew Red and his horrible taste in music but Rich was still afraid of being known, still afraid of being seen for himself.

"Rich?" Jeremy asked, causing Rich to roll his head away from the screen and focus his brown eyes on Jeremy's blue ones _his blue eyes that were so different from the electric blue blue blue of the squip and-_ Rich jolted as Jeremy rested two fingertips on his bare knee. "Hey." It was soft, soothing, and Rich shut his eyes against the world for a moment, concentrating on the red he saw behind his eyelids as he tilted his head up for a minute. _I'm fine_. He breathed out through his nostrils and came back to reality, giving Jeremy a shaky grin.

"Yeah, bro?" he responded, wincing internally at the term.

"Do you- er, maybe wanna, um, s-spend the night?" Jeremy flushed and flapped his hands a bit as Rich's eyebrows furrowed slightly. "Be-because it's getting late a-and it's not an issue if you do and-but if you don't then it- that's fine, too, I mean-" Rich laughed quietly and Jeremy fell silent, turning his eyes downwards and fiddling with his _stupid_ sweater sleeves again and-

"Dude, yeah, I'll stay," Rich said warmly. Jeremy looked up from under his eyelashes and gave Rich a small, timid smile, his hand still at his left sleeve and the corner of his mouth indented slightly and _holy shit is he chewing on his cheek?_ "No homo, though," Rich joked, lowering his voice while waggling his eyebrows and making Jeremy snort unattractively before clapping a hand on his face, accidentally smacking his nose when he did so.

" _Ow!_ " Jeremy moaned as Rich fell backwards on the couch, laughing loudly and clapping. _What a stupid clumsy dork_.

"That was _smooth,_ tall ass!" Rich's voice was sarcastic, teasing as he struggled to hold back laughter, cracking when Jeremy scowled at him. Rich's laughter caused the corner of Jeremy's mouth to twitch until he too was giggling softly, and they laughed for a moment more. Rich stopped a few seconds before Jeremy did and took a moment to watch Jeremy fondly, observing the way his head was thrown back and the way the silhouette of his face was defined in the gentle, warm, yellow light, and all Rich felt was warm, warm from the crown of his head to where his neck met his shoulders to his fingernails to where his thighs met his pelvis to the spaces between his toes and his gaze softened. Jeremy caught him staring and swept a stray curl behind his ear, his hair being a bit longer than usual, with an insecure furrow to his brows but still retaining his small smile that was just for Rich.

"What?" he asked quietly, blinking his eyes, and Rich took a moment to breathe, drinking in his eyelashes and his neck and the way his adam's apple bobbed and how he wanted to bite the left side of his neck, right at the base, and-

"Nothing," he said. "Just lost in thought."

And when they were lying on the floor later, in a mess of pillows and blankets and _Jeremy what the fuck why are your legs so long_ , Rich definitely didn't press a feather light kiss to that very spot once he was absolutely sure Jeremy had fallen asleep, Rich's eyelashes brushing gently along the pale skin and his breath being pulled all the way down to his feet and through his body from his nose and his mouth tightened and shook and his eyes scrunched and his chin wobbled, thinking _I gave him the squip and I ruined his life and he could never want me and I could never deserve him and-_ and when Jeremy sighed, rolled over, and wrapped an arm around Rich, pulling him close and mumbling something in his sleep, he didn't hope that Jeremy had been awake, had somehow read his mind and wanted him too, he didn't hope that he had a chance with this beautiful, beautiful boy, this beautiful boy whose life he destroyed, this beautiful boy that traveled through his blood until he grew roots in Rich's brain and his toxic flowers poisoned his lungs and the vines broke Rich's heart like concrete.

And he didn't cry.

 _He didn't_.

* * *

 

Rich bounced his way through the hallway, trailing his hand along the locker and throwing finger guns to everyone who looked his way, regardless of if he got a glare or a smile. He turned the corner to Jeremy’s locker and pulled up short, eyes widening as he took in the god-awful Eminem shirt, ramrod straight posture, and dark look on Jeremy’s face. Michael stood in front of Jeremy, swaying slightly, and Rich gulped before he forced his feet to move again. He came to stand next to Michael, eyeing Jeremy cautiously. “Hey,” he murmured, eyebrows furrowed. Rich glanced at Michael’s worried face and he forced himself to untense.

“Hi.” Jeremy’s greeting was clipped and sharp, mouth drawn into a horribly familiar sour expression and Rich suppressed his flinch because it was _all his fault all his fault all his fault_ -

“I was just talking to Jeremy about that test we took in Bio yesterday,” Michael stated, his voice neutral but his eyes betraying how lightly he was treading. “He was saying he didn’t do very well on this unit last year.” Rich took a deep breath and nodded, exhaling through his nose and pasting a small smile on his face.

“I don’t think I’ll get anything higher than a C.” Jeremy let out a snort and Rich froze.

“That’s what you get for not studying,” he teased, still standing stoically, but his face having softened a bit to be less abrasive. Rich’s eyes flicked over his cheeks and nose before they moved to the ground, noticing the way Jeremy’s hands were opening and closing methodically. _Fuck, he doesn’t have his dumb-ass sweater._

Rich shrugged. “Oh, well. Pizza was more important,” he declared. Michael laughed quietly and Jeremy snorted, rolling his eyes. The bell rang and Rich jumped, making Jeremy let out a short chortle before he turned to Michael.

“We gotta get to class,” he stated, slinging his backpack over one shoulder and slamming the door of his locker. Michael nodded and Jeremy turned back to Rich, studying him for a moment. Rich’s face burned as Jeremy’s eyes bore into his face consideringly. “Later, Rich.”

“Bye,” Rich answered quietly, quirking his lips up and immediately letting them fall and his eyebrows furrow as he looked after Michael and Jeremy sadly because _if I hadn’t given him the squip this wouldn’t be happening what have I done this isn’t right that wasn’t Jeremy what have I done what have I done what have I done-_

Rich fell to the floor and looked up, glaring at the group of guys who had shoved into him, before he processed that Jeremy and Michael had long since turned the corner. He sighed, gathering all his things before he stood, brushing the dust off himself before turning on his heel and booking it to class. _Damn it_.

All through his first four classes, Rich was sick with worry, thinking endlessly of how awful he was and how worried he was about Jeremy and blah blah blah, being asked by two of his teachers if he needed to go to the nurse. When the bell finally rang, Rich slammed from his seat and bolted out the door, stumbling through the halls towards the lunchroom with his sneakers squeaking on the linoleum. He skidded to a stop just outside the doors, breathing heavily as he steeled himself for what was to come.

He strode confidently to the usual table that the Squad™ sat at, settling himself between Michael and Brooke, as usual. Brooke gave him a beaming smile and he relaxed slightly, beginning his usual antics of trying to swipe Michael’s slushy.

After the bell rang, Rich stood and gathered his things, laughing at some witty comment Christine had made about the patriarchy. He felt someone grab his arm and he turned, seeing Brooke standing in front of him with Jake just behind her. “Wanna go to Pinkberry after school? Just the three of us?” she queried, tilting her head and quirking an eyebrow. Rich nodded and Jake flashed him a grin before Brooke spun on her heel and dragged him away. Rich shook his head and rolled his eyes with a smile before meandering to his classroom.

The rest of the day passed in a blur, and before he knew it, Rich was pulling up to Pinkberry with a small smile etched onto his face; he was still pleasantly surprised that Jake and Brooke were even interested in being close friends with him without everyone else there. He entered the shop and immediately honed his focus on the loud laugher of Jake at their usual table in the corner. Rich took a deep breath, trying to compose himself, and he stepped towards the pair with butterflies clawing at his guts.

Rich stared at his feet as he walked to the booth. When all he heard was silence, he glanced up to see Brooke and Jake giving him identical, eerie grins. Rich let out a started, hysterical laugh and Brooke immediately lost her composure, loud cackles spilling from her mouth and Jake let out a deep chuckle. At his gesture, Rich slid into the seat next to Jake and Brooke beamed at him from across the table. She slid him a carton of frozen yogurt, “cake batter and strawberry with marshmallow fluff and cheesecake bites, as usual” and Rich shut his eyes for a moment, forcing back his tears and ignoring the feeling in his throat before accepting the carton and setting into his seat, mixing the yogurt and toppings together.

Rich jumped slightly when he felt Jake clasp his arm around his shoulders. He forced himself to relax as he felt the rumbling of Jake’s laugh in the chest that was now pressed against his shoulder. _It’s okay_. Brooke smirked at them and let out a teasing, “aww, how cute!” Rich snorted and Jake rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

Jake started some small talk and Rich settled into the space, taking small bites of his yogurt between answering the questions directed at him. Eventually, when there was a brief lull in the conversation, the three of them shared eye contact. “Okay, can we talk about why we’re _really_ here?” Jake asked. Rich blinked at Brooke let out a groan.

“Oh my god, please,” she whined, letting her head drop to the table.

“Um…?” Rich trailed off, confused.

“This is the part where we discuss our love lives, or in our cases, lack of them,” Jake explained, making Rich take a sharp breath and laugh nervously.

“M-meee?” his voice cracked, “I don’t like anyone right now!” Jake snorted and Brooke raised her head up from her arms to give him a flat glare and he made a face and blinked several times.

“We all know that _I_ like Chloe, _Jake_ can’t figure out who he likes, and _you_ have a thing for Jeremy,” Brooke sassed, rolling her fingernails onto the table. Rich inhaled sharply and shrunk into himself, trying to hide his face in his shirt so they wouldn’t see the redness on his cheeks. Jake huffed and reached over to gently tug a piece of Brooke’s hair. Rich buried his head in his arms, dropping his head to mimic Brooke’s earlier position.

“You could’ve been a little more tactful,” he reprimanded her before setting his hand on Rich’s shoulder. “Hey.” Rich lifted his head and peeked at Jake with one eye, seeing his gentle smile and furrowed brows. “We aren’t judging you. We’re all three in the same boat here. I figure having people to talk to about feelings helps make it easier. To cope and shit, y’know?” Rich nodded his head and Jake let out a chuckle.

Brooke reached across the table and placed her hand delicately on Rich’s forearm. He sighed and relaxed his neck, letting his head settle against the table and closing his eyes as Brooke started raking her fingers through his hair. Her hand stilled and slid away eventually, and Rich stayed where he was, and he sat and let himself be engrossed in listening to Brooke and Jake tease each other and vent over their crushes, a small smile dancing around his lips.

* * *

 

        bisexual lil shit: _u awaake ?_

        bisexual lil shit: _ik iits latee_

tall ass: _yeah i'm awake what's up?_

        bisexual lil shit: _caan i call u ???_

tall ass: _of course. !!_

 _'Calling tall ass'_.                                                                                                    

"Hello?" Jeremy's voice came through the receiver and Rich shut his eyes, burrowing under the covers and suppressing a sniffle.

"H-hey," Rich mumbled, his free hand clenching and unclenching as he sat, hunched over and curled into himself.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's wrong, Rich?" Jeremy asked quickly, the raw worry in his voice making Rich's chest clench and his face burn. He shut his eyes tight and tried to ignore the memories.

"Nightmare." Jeremy made a sound of understanding and Rich thought he heard house keys jingling in the background. No, it can't have been.

"Squip?" Rich hummed in assent and grabbed one of his pillows, hugging it.

"Can you just- talk...?" Rich faltered, his nails digging into his palms. Jeremy started talking about everything and nothing and slowly, Rich's fist unclenched, his jaw relaxed, his shoulders loosened, and his silent tears ebbed. He heard a quiet tapping behind his blinds and pulled back the drapes to see Jeremy standing there outside his first floor window, a faint smile on his face, Mountain Dew Red in the hand that didn't have the phone, and empathy in his eyes. Rich opened the window as Jeremy hung up the phone, and when Jeremy gestured, Rich climbed outside after shoving on some Converse. As he squeezed out the window, he didn't notice Jeremy setting down the Mountain Dew until he felt arms wrap around him once he was outside. Rich stood on his tiptoes and slid his arms around Jeremy's neck, hiding his face in the junction of Jeremy's shoulder and sniffling quietly. Jeremy ran his fingers through Rich's hair and hummed a song Rich didn't recognize.

A few moments later, Jeremy pulled away and smiled softly, waiting for Rich to wipe his cheeks before gesturing to Rich's car. "Denny's?" Jeremy murmured, tilting his head slightly and looking so, so pretty, and Rich was so overwhelmed, _he came to make sure I’m okay at two in the fucking morning_. Rich nodded his confirmation and slid into the driver's seat, starting the car as music floated out of the stereo.

Once they were seated in a secluded booth at Denny's and had ordered (salted caramel shake for Rich, vanilla for Jeremy, onion rings to share), Rich reached out and ruffled Jeremy's hair, ignoring his ' _hey!'_ of protest. "Thanks for, well, this. It's late but you still- yeah, I, um, thank you," Rich lisped gently, staring down at his cup of water with his hand clenched softly, resettled in its spot on the table. Jeremy reached out and gently placed his hand on top of Rich's fist, making Rich jump slightly and flick his eyes up to Jeremy.

"You'd do the same for me." Rich's hand relaxed and he smiled sleepily at the bean pole. _His_ bean pole. His other hand came next to the one Jeremy's was covering and _wow holy shit tall ass has really big hands um_ and he rested his left cheek on the small mess of fingers and palms, beaming tiredly up at Jeremy. Jeremy's free hand came to play gently with Rich's hair and Rich's chocolate brown eyes shut in bliss, a shaky sigh escaping his mouth and blowing warm air over Jeremy's knuckles as Jeremy scratched his scalp lightly.

Rich sat up reluctantly when their milkshakes and onion rings arrived, Jeremy zealously guarding the weird orange dipping sauce stuff they came with while Rich coveted the ranch. They ate slowly, quietly, just sitting and burrowing in the warmth and the glow of the restaurant. As the onion rings dwindled, Jeremy fidgeted with his cardigan sleeve and Rich reached across the table to rest his hand over Jeremy's. "Hey."

"I don't sleep because of- you know," Jeremy said quietly, retracting his hands to set them in his lap. Rich withdrew his hand and a small crease formed between his brows. _It was his fault, all his fault, he told tall ass about the squip, he told_ stupid _tall ass and then everything went to shit, it's all my fault, he can't sleep and it's all because of me-_ "He- _it_ \- um. Blocked Michael from my field of vision. Forced me to cheat on Brooke. Shocked me for my posture. And stuff." Rich frowned and leaned a bit closer.

"It sorta... erased that I was bi. It ma-had me hurt- no, _bully_ people. You. When I set the fire..." Rich let out a long breath. "I was just so sick of seeing the blue. Of hearing the blue. Of feeling the blue. It was always so _cold_ , y'know? Even the shocks. And I just- I wanted... I wanted to see something else surrounding me. To hear real people, not this stupid fucking computer. To feel warm, to feel hot, to feel like I was on _fire_ , to make the cold _stop_. So I drank... I drank a lot. Because it burned. And I decided I'd like all of me to burn, too. And I lit that fucking match. And I held it up against that _stupid_ keg and-" Rich choked on his own breath for a minute. "And I always dream that someone didn't get out in time. Chloe, Brooke, Jenna, Jake, Michael, _you_. And the _stupid fire?_ It was that _shitty_ electric blue. It looked blue when it happened, it’s blue in my dreams, it's always blue." Rich looked up and found Jeremy's eyes, internally pleading with them to understand, trying to keep his own tears at bay because _god, what a loser, lisping and crying and whining all pathetically and-_

Jeremy reached out and wiped under Rich's eye, taking his hand and smiling in understanding. "It wasn't your fault. You wanted to fit in. It's not a crime. Everyone feels like they don't belong, and sure, the squip was really shitty. Like, _really_ shitty, I-I don't want to undermine how much it sucked but-" Jeremy squeezed Rich's hand. "-everyone tries to find a way to cope. You're not bad." Rich opened his mouth to protest but Jeremy cut him off. "Did I fucking stutter? You're _not_ bad. You made a mistake, and yes, it hurt you, and yes, you could've hurt people, but we're alive. _You're_ alive. That's what's important." Rich cast his eyes down to their joined hands, his face crumpling and he took in his marred, burned skin, scarred and red and angry, so harsh against Jeremy's smooth, porcelain skin, his fingers long, long, longer than Rich's, able to envelop his hands completely.

"It's- I'm a bit of a mess," Rich laughed, his voice thick. Jeremy smiled at him and Rich swallowed, taking a deep breath. "Thank you."

"You deserve to be happy," Jeremy murmured, and Rich, although he wanted to, didn't argue.

And when Rich dropped Jeremy off at home, if he silently mourned that he couldn't kiss Jeremy to thank him for being so _good_ and _forgiving_ and _kind_ when he didn't deserve it at all, well, that wasn't anybody's business.

* * *

 

Rich turned a corner as he chatted animatedly with Michael, approaching their shared fourth period that was near Jeremy's locker. A loud bang startled him and he looked up to see Jeremy shrinking back against the grey metal as Dustin Kropp leered at him, looming over him with his fist next to Jeremy's head as Jeremy continued to look smaller and smaller. Rich heard Michael gasp in alarm after he looked up to investigate what caused Rich to fall silent mid-sentence. Dustin sneered at Jeremy and Rich heard the words _fag_ and _tall ass_ float down the hall. Seeing red, Rich sprinted towards Dustin and grabbed his shirt collar, slamming him into the lockers.

" _Don't touch him!"_ Rich snarled, curling his hand further into the white fabric and pulling Dustin away from the metal just to slam him back into it. He half heard Michael soothing Jeremy, but Rich ignored it in favor of yelling at this _dickwad_. " _No one_ makes fun of him, _no one_ hurts him, and _no one_ calls him tall ass but _me!"_ Rich lowered his voice menacingly and glared. "Touch him again and we'll have a real problem. Got it, Kropp?" Dustin nodded quickly. Rich snorted in disdain, stepping away and brushing his hands off nonchalantly. "Good. Now get out of my sight," Rich spat. Dustin booked it down the hall and Rich tilted his head up, looking down his nose in satisfaction.

"R-Rich?" Jeremy asked timidly, hesitantly reaching out towards his arm. Rich turned and smiled, his shoulders lowering and his head tilting back to normal. Jeremy flapped his hands in aggravation. "Are you okay? Y-you really didn't have t-to do that," he stuttered, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes blinking rapidly. Rich laughed good-naturedly.

"Nah, you're my friend, tall ass, that dickwad wasn't gonna get away with it," he said easily, avoiding thinking about how worried Jeremy was _about him about him he was worried about him holy_ \- The bell interrupted Rich's train of thought and he flashed a grin at Jeremy. "See you at lunch?" He turned and walked towards his classroom as Michael and Jeremy gaped after him.

"Holy _shit_ ," Michael muttered. Jeremy nodded in mute agreement.

Rich thought his way through fourth period, ignoring the looks Michael kept giving him when he ignored his nudging and the piece of folded up notebook paper he'd slid over. Once the bell rang, Rich shoved all his shit into his backpack as Michael started raving. "Rich, what the _fuck_ , I can't believe you _did_ that," he ranted, grabbing Rich's arm. "I mean, yeah, I figured you'd get back at him, but not in _public_ and not _in front of Jeremy!"_ Rich shook off his hand and laughed.

"It's no big deal." Rich denied. Michael looked at him like he was crazy. Yeah, that was bullshit, it was a _huge fucking deal_. Rich _freaked the fuck out._

"Bullshit, that was a huge deal! You just _defended_ him. You defended _Jeremy_ ," Michael said loudly, making Rich aggressively hush him. _(He definitely wasn't being defensive. He wasn't!)_ Michael shot him a look.

"Forget it," Rich mumbled, running his hand through his hair. Michael sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Bro. _Talk to him,"_ he implored. Rich shut his eyes and his jaw clenched, his hands forming fists and his nails biting into his palms- the wetness, uncomfortable between the nail and fingertip, indicated he'd reopened the scabs there.

"I bullied people. I bullied _him_. What's the point, Michael?" Rich sighed and reopened his eyes, his jaw still a line of tension. "He'd never- not with Rich, not with Richard- hell, I don't know who I am anymore without that stupid _fucking_ pill," he spat, panicked, his eyes flitting all over the room and his breathing becoming shallow. Michael gave an almost smile and changed the subject. As they approached the squad's usual table, where Brooke already had her head in Chloe's lap, snoring away, and Jake and Christine were chatting animatedly, Rich and Michael shared a look at how Jeremy was standing awkwardly, giving them a hesitant wave and weird smile.

 _"Ith no big deal,"_ Michael mocked, laughing with good humor when Rich slugged him in the arm with a _'he-ey!'_ Jeremy fidgeted as Rich and Michael got closer. "Hey, buddy, how's things?" Jeremy blinked, seemingly surprised by the question.

"U-um, better?" Michael raised an eyebrow at the question tacked on at the end but let it go. "Rich, can I- can we talk for- for a minute?" he squeaked, looking anywhere but at Rich's face and wringing his hands nervously _and he was so fucking cute what the fuck-_ Rich spared a look towards Michael and received a shrug.

"Yeah, of course dude, what's on your mind?" Rich answered as they started gravitating out of the cafeteria.

"I-I just, well- um, it's- you d-didn't have to, y'know..." Rich raised his eyebrows and Jeremy stared down at his feet. "Stand up for me," he mumbled. Rich took a sharp breath through his nose but Jeremy held up a hand that began to flap. "I-I mean, you've had a hard enough time since... and, well, y-you don't need to put a target on yourself, on your back, just because someone was being an-an asshole." Jeremy laughed awkwardly and Rich exhaled harshly.

"Jeremy, look at me," he instructed gently. He waited for a moment until Jeremy's beautiful, beautiful eyes met his. _Shit._ "You're my friend. I couldn't care less what they do to me or what they say about me; I care about making sure you're safe, making sure you're okay. _That's_ what matters. Capiche?" Jeremy nodded mutely and Rich smiled. "Good. Now, let's go, tall ass, I'm starving and today's nachos!" Rich grabbed Jeremy's wrist and dragged him back to the lunchroom, definitely not thinking about how close they were to holding hands, and if when Jeremy sat between Rich and Michael (instead of Christine and Michael) Rich's heart sped up, no one needed to know.

* * *

 

Rich laid staring into space from one of the beanbags in Michael's basement. The Filipino's soft snores were steady and consistent as part of Rich reached out, looking for remnants of an instructor, a teacher, and a tormentor that was no longer there. It was early Saturday morning and Michael was asleep after getting hopelessly stoned, whereas Rich was instead lost in his mind, having never slept in the first place. He poked and prodded, trying to find himself in the aftermath of all that had happened. It'd been months and he still hadn't. He wasn't plain, geeky, clutsy Richard from freshman year. He wasn't over-dramatic, douchey, cruel Rich from the past few years. He didn't think he was any sort of strange blend, either. He just- _was_. He sighed quietly, abandoning his quest to search for the squip's remains, and grabbed the Dr Pepper sitting next to him, taking a large swig. The clock next to him glared red, **5:32 AM** burning itself behind his eyelids.

His thoughts shifted from the squip itself to the squip's consequences. He dwelled on Michael's newfound abandonment issues, on Brooke's mistrust of her girlfriend, on Jake's distance, on Chloe's reluctance to interact with people outside the group, on Jenna's constant dark eyes and near-exhaustion, on Christine's immense discomfort with drinking _anything_ in the auditorium or even sometimes at school, and on Jeremy's misled all-consuming guilt.

And now Rich's focus was shifting to Jeremy, his mind's eye conjuring images of Jeremy laughing, his long eyelashes dark against his pale cheeks, his body hunched over and that stupid fucking cardigan half-off of one shoulder. The next image was one of Jeremy's anger, of the hurt set of his mouth and the condescending tilt of his nose and the red tips of his ears and the storminess of his eyes and the words _it's all your fault_ and _you ruined my life_ echoing around in Jeremy's voice. This was juxtaposed with the image of Jeremy that night in Denny's, the artificial light creating a golden halo behind his head, face open and eyes focused only on Rich, hand clasped in his and an exhausted smile spread on his face, paired with paint-splattered freckles and a bleeding, watercolor blush. An image of Jeremy, crying, curled in on himself and his hand over his mouth and his nails clawing at his cardigan, at his shirt, sobs washing over his body like tsunamis, and _I wish I'd never met you_ bouncing off the corners of the isolated room Rich's mind had conjured up. And the images kept coming, over and over, dark to light, happy to sad, open to closed, bliss to breakdown, until Rich muffled a broken cry behind his palm and shut his eyes tight against the world, his nails biting into his thigh as he clawed at the feelings within himself, because _he'd never be good enough for Jeremy he ruined Jeremy's life he didn't even know who he was he hated feeling this way get it out get it out **get it out-**_

Rich was jolted into the present when hands found his shoulders and he could hear a faint voice, warped as if through cotton or water, asking him to breathe, telling him it would be okay, asking if he could hear him. Rich fell forward, his fingers twisting in whatever fabric was nearest him and words spilling out of his mouth, babbling about how lost he was and how horrible he was and how he didn't think anything could be okay anymore. And he felt Michael's tears on his neck as they clung to each other desperately, Michael trying to hold on, hold on for Rich's sake, and Rich wishing he had died in his fire like he was _fucking supposed to_ and feeling Michael sob when Rich voiced it.

And a few moments later, when they had calmed, stilled, and were sitting side by side, hands held, together in solidarity, comfort, and friendship, Michael said quietly, "I wanted to die in the fire too." And if Rich pecked his cheek gently, and if Michael's tears wet both their faces when Michael leaned in to kiss him briefly, letting out a single, choked sob into Rich's mouth, well, then, that was between them. _Sometimes you just need to feel loved_ , he thought, as they launched Apocalypse of the Damned, their hands still joined between them, the clock shouting **9:07 AM**. _Even if it's just with a friend_.

They didn't speak of what happened, but someday, a while in the future, Michael would pause whatever game they were playing and take his hand. _"Thank you,"_ he'd whisper, and Rich would echo the same, and they'd smile at each other before they resumed their game and pretended nothing happened.

* * *

 

**INTERMISSION**

* * *

 

It was just a regular Wednesday when it happened. That morning, Rich had been particularly excitable, bouncing around, seemingly drunk on the first breaths of spring. Jeremy, however, had been in a particularly bad mood, wearing greys and blacks and standing ramrod straight and his hands staying completely still by his sides. Michael and Rich had been trying desperately to act just this side of normal, to calmly wait for him to be okay, but Rich couldn’t contain his energy.

At lunch, Jeremy was sat next to Michael and Christine, as usual, while Rich rambled on excitedly about some new movie or another. He practically vibrated in his seat, gesticulating and speaking loudly, attempting to recapture the film’s highlights through dramatizing it, until Jeremy slammed his hand on the table. Rich jumped about a foot along with everyone else at the table and fell silent. “Can’t you just be quiet for two _goddamn_ minutes?” Jeremy snapped, making Rich flinch and sink into himself. “Christ! It’s like you don’t even _realise_ how annoying you sound! No one cares about your _lame_ movie, just _shut up_ already.” Jeremy’s voice was cold, and his eyes were glaring, and the table was shocked into silence, sending Rich into an internal panic _oh my god oh my god this is all my fault if I just wasn’t such a fucking loser and if I hadn’t gotten the stupid squip none of this would’ve happened and he wouldn’t be mad at me all my fault all my fault all my fault-_

Rich scrambled out of his spot, abandoning his bag and lunch, and ran. He sprinted through the halls, shoving past anyone who was in his way, running out the doors and off of campus and towards the one place he had felt safe, the stupid _fucking_ Denny’s, because _of course the only place I feel like I can calm down is somewhere where he took me when I was having an attack_.

Soon enough, Rich was tucked into the very same corner booth, ignoring the onion rings in front of him in favor of playing with the whipped cream on his hot chocolate with his spoon. He sniffled pathetically, _you don’t even realise how annoying you sound!_ and _no one cares about your lame movie, just shut up already_ echoing around his head. The image of Jeremy’s angry sneer printed itself behind his eyelids, and Rich’s eyes welled with tears he tried desperately to ignore.

He glanced up when he heard someone clear their throat, seeing Michael looking at him with furrowed eyebrows and a slight smile. “Can I sit?” Rich nodded mutely and Michael slid in across from him, folding his hands on the table after handing Rich his backpack. Rich’s eyes wandered back down to his hot chocolate that had long since gone cold and he held back tears, his eyebrows scrunched together and his mouth wobbling. He heard Michael shift and felt him sit next to him instead, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Rich let out a choked sob and turned into his embrace, pressing his face into Michael’s shoulder and crying into his hoodie, wishing with all his might that it was a stupid blue cardigan instead, and knowing it never would be.

* * *

 

After The Incident, Rich slowly pulled away from the group, not wanting Jeremy to lose the friends that he deserved to have, because Jeremy deserved the world. He kept his head down in the hallways and distanced himself from everyone, even Michael, having started with Christine, then Jenna, then Chloe, then Jake, then Brooke, and finally Michael. He started finding excuses not to sit at the squad’s lunch table, citing too much homework or a test that he had to study for as excuses to eat in the library or hide out in the bathroom. He quickly became a regular at the Denny’s. And, of course, he avoided Jeremy like the plague.

Rich gradually started fading away, unaware of the concerned eyes of his friends that followed his every move, too exhausted and hurt to even consider that they cared anymore because _they’re all better off without me he didn’t want me there he never wanted me there all I do is hurt everyone_.

One Thursday afternoon, the day before a three day weekend, there was a knock at his door. Rich tiredly walked downstairs, his face and demeanor dull as he pulled open the door. He glanced around, confused by the lack of a person there, before he looked down. Rich gasped, his hand flying to his mouth as tears welled in his eyes.

Jeremy’s cardigan was on his doorstep.

He sank to his knees, brushing his fingertips lightly over the fabric, his face crumpling immediately after. He snatched up the cardigan and clutched it to his chest, burying his face in it and sobbing silently, shoulders shaking and his body curling up around it because _I miss him so much and I’m so sorry and I didn’t mean to ruin his life and I just want him to come back please please please please please_.

Rich cried himself to sleep that night, wrapped in the cardigan and being smothered by his memories.

* * *

 

Rich, once Monday came, starting wearing the cardigan to school every day, shameless of his action as he drowned himself in the only thing he had of Jeremy. He ignored the way the bottom brushed his knees, he ignored how ridiculously long the sleeves were, all he cared about was the way it smelled and how soft it was against his skin. He didn’t notice the way the squip squads’ eyes traveled over him each morning, he didn’t notice Jeremy’s forlorn glances at him from down the hallway, he didn’t notice Michael trying desperately to get Rich to talk to him, didn’t notice anything except the stupid fucking sweater that was the only thing that kept him afloat because _at least I have something of him_.

At least, he didn’t notice anything until the day that Brooke approached him with a nearly identical one.

She cornered him during the passing period before lunch, grabbing his wrist and dragging him to a secluded hallway. “Brooke, w-what-” Rich stuttered, his voice quiet but surprised as she unzipped her backpack. She offered him a sad smile as she dug around, letting out a pleased hum as she pulled out- _holy shit_.

“Trade me,” she instructed, holding it out. Rich froze, wide eyed as he looked between her face and the cardigan and her face and the cardigan. She shook it at him. “Go on.” He blinked before slowly shrugging off the one he had on, reaching out tentatively for what was being offered, as if afraid it would be snatched away. Brooke accepted the old one with a gentle squeeze of his arm and he pulled on the new one quickly, tears welling up in his eyes. _It smells like him_.

“Tha-nk you,” he choked out, sniffling and curling into himself a bit. He and Brooke had been close before everything, originally due to proximity, but although they made an odd pair, the sweet blonde girl had a soothing, maternal presence and was always able to keep him grounded, whether she was napping or as awake as she can be, and he brought her energy or something (he thinks). The bi-weekly Pinkberry expeditions with her, Jake, and himself helped deepen their friendship. It cemented her as someone safe.

She smiled at him, her face kind and open, and pushed his hair back from his forehead. “Of course,” she said sweetly, wiping the tears off his cheeks and kissing the top of his head before gathering him in her arms in a careful hug. Rich’s arms went around her waist and a few more tears spilled over. After a moment, she drew back and took his hand lightly, playing with his fingers while tugging him alongside her. They entered Mr. Thomas’ classroom, him giving them both a nod while she pulled Rich to settle them both on a couch in the back of the room.

She sat, opening her arms to him again as he sniffled. Rich curled up next to her, resting his head on her lap. Brooke carded her fingers through his hair and hummed to him quietly.

They hardly moved until the bell rang.

* * *

 

From that point on, Brooke and Michael alternated days to pull him upstairs to Thomas’ room, speaking just enough, and ensuring that Rich ate, swapping cardigans with him every so often. And one day in late April, Rich met Michael there, earning a beaming smile and an excess of praise, Rich leaving the room that day with an ever so faint smile ghosting around his lips.

Soon enough, Michael and Brooke started coming together, gradually reintroducing members of the squad. They started with Jake. He all but squeezed the life out of Rich the first day he sat upstairs. “I’m glad you’re okay,” was spoken into Rich’s shoulder as Jake smothered him with affection, Rich letting out a squeak as he was lifted up. Next was Chloe, who dropped her cold exterior for half a moment when she gave him a light hug and he felt a hot tear drip onto his temple. Jenna and Christine came at the same time, wrapping him into a group hug during which Jenna punched his arm and berated him for making her worry and Christine bawled her eyes out.

They remained this way for a few days until one day Rich quietly asked an almost unheard, “Where’s Jeremy?” Michael blinked at him in surprise and Rich explained. “I won’t do anything to irritate him. I just don’t want him to be all alone...” _because it was all my fault that he had anything to be upset about in the first place and he doesn’t deserve to lose his friends because I’m being selfish_. He spoke in an embarrassed mumble, playing with the sleeves of the cardigan and avoiding anyones eyes, at least until the silence was too much. He glanced up to see Michael looking ready to tear his hair out and everyone else staring at Rich. “What?”

A pause.

Finally, “You isolated yourself for a month and you’re still worried about him instead of you, dude,” Jake said bluntly. Rich blinked, his eyebrows furrowing, before he nodded.

“Well, yeah, I ruined his life with that fucking computer, I deserved to-” he began, quickly cut off by a firm hug. He looked down, surprised, and saw Christine, even-smaller-than-him Christine, crying and hugging him harshly.

“No you didn’t!” she shouted, shaking him aggressively. “It wasn’t your fault!” He floundered for a minute, patting her back awkwardly.

“I took the pill, so it kinda was,” he said, his voice nonchalant. She swatted at his chest. “What?” he almost-whined. She swatted at him again and again.

 _“It wasn’t your fault!”_ she yelled louder. He sighed in defeat, petting her hair lightly.

“Okay, okay,” he allowed, his eyes wide as he looked at everyone else, who were in various states of distress. Michael was still particularly angry. Rich quickly changed the topic and the air became lighter again. He noticed Jenna typing furiously out of the corner of his eye but ignored it; she was a gossip, but she didn’t and wouldn’t gossip about her friends. After a few moments of banter within the group that Rich sat and watched, Christine now curled up next to him with his hand in a fierce, protective grip, which, _wow, that was kinda nice_ , Jenna spoke up.

“He’s sitting with us tomorrow,” she stated, making eye contact with Rich. He took a deep breath and nodded slowly, and with a shaky exhale, he gave the smallest of smiles. _Oh, god_.

“Okay.”

* * *

 

All morning, Rich had been beside himself. He was unsure if it was with anticipation or anxiety, desire or dread, but he was struggling to stay still. Four small, red half-moons were indented in his hands and the tiniest hints of blood were underneath his fingernails as he fought to remain calm. The bell for the end of fourth period finally rang and he booked it upstairs, walking fast but not too fast because _he’s gonna be there he’s gonna be there Jeremy Jeremy’s gonna be there_ , wishing he knew what to do in this situation as he walked into the classroom, Jenna and Chloe having beaten him there.

He took a moment to steady his breathing, concentrating on the fact that _Jeremy’s going to be in the same room as me voluntarily for the first time in a two months holy_ _shit_. His heart was racing and his palms were sweaty, his nails slipping on the calloused skin. He subconsciously tugged the cardigan closer around his small frame and stood in the classroom, listening to Jenna and Chloe’s chatter. Christine and Brooke entered the classroom, Christine talking animatedly and Brooke listening with the rapt attention she gave all of her friends. Jake and Michael trailed a few seconds behind, standing suspiciously close together. _Huh. I’ll have to ask Michael about that_.

He took a breath, glancing furtively at the door every once in awhile. No matter how subtle he thought he was, everyone noticed where Rich’s gaze kept going. He was staring down at his fingers, fiddling with the sleeves of his cardigan, until he was jolted by the sound of someone clearing their throat at the doorway.

His head snapped up and his gaze focused in on the dark blue eyes he had missed so much. He felt his heart jump into his throat and his chest constrict because _holy shit he’s so nice and tall and pretty and I love him so much-_

 ** _Holy shit I love him_**.

Rich blinked once, twice, before dragging his eyes to the ground. “Hey,” he said quietly, timidly, still standing frozen by the couches. He heard rather than saw Jeremy shuffle forward, pausing when his feet were just in Rich’s line of sight. He watched Jeremy’s hand move forward slowly, tentatively reaching for the crook of Rich’s left elbow. Rich glanced up carefully, his eyes moving deliberately towards Jeremy’s face. He felt Jeremy’s thumb rub at his burn scars gently and finally, finally met his stare.

“Hi,” Jeremy said, giving a sad, anxious smile, his eyes red, bags dragging low below them. Rich focused his gaze from one eye to the other, trying to memorize Jeremy’s face, because _who knows when Jeremy could decide that I’m not cool enough again_ \- His eyes widened as he noticed Jeremy’s other hand grabbing his arm and pulling him closer to wrap his arms around Rich’s shoulders and bury his face in his hair.

Rich’s hands clutched at Jeremy’s blue cardigan, identical to the one he was wearing, shaking as he hugged him tightly. He subtly breathed in, basking in Jeremy’s scent, the smell of wet soil and dryer sheets making him want to cry. He shifted at the same time as Jeremy, Rich’s hands going around his neck and Jeremy’s arms holding his waist. Jeremy’s nose brushed Rich’s neck and he held back a shiver, feeling his collarbones tingle as Jeremy held him. “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry,” Jeremy murmured tearfully, face pressed into his shoulder. “You didn’t deserve that, I was being awful, please don’t leave again.” Jeremy’s apologies and explanations continued like a mantra, said brokenly into Rich’s skin, and Rich let out a sob, shaking his head wordlessly, because _Christ_ , he’d missed him.

“I missed you, tall ass,” Rich mumbled, Jeremy crying harder at the nickname and practically trying to make his and Rich’s skin bleed together with how closely he was holding him. After a few moments, once they had both calmed down, Rich pulled away reluctantly, smiling a watery smile up at Jeremy and wiping at the taller boy’s cheeks. “You’re a mess,” he laughed, chin wobbling, trying to tease. Jeremy snorted and cupped Rich’s face with one hand, Rich leaning his cheek into his palm.

“We know,” Michael stated, earning a brief, hysterical little giggle from Rich. Jeremy’s face softened to an emotion Rich couldn’t pinpoint and the boys shared one more look before Jeremy moved his hand from Rich’s cheek to his wrist, tugging him to the free space on the couch to sit wrapped in one another. Things weren’t okay yet, but they would be.

They had to be.

* * *

 

It was finally the last day of school and Rich was ready to jump out of his skin. The bell would ring any minute and then junior year would be over and they’d plunge into summer, summer filled with the squad and sunshine and swimming and _stupid fucking tall-ass_. A few days after they reunited, Rich had reluctantly returned Jeremy’s cardigan but had remained as close to him as he dared, oftentimes seeking some form of physical reassurance that Jeremy was still there, still existing, still wanting to be around Rich.

Things had shifted between them. Jeremy had quickly gained the habit of having some form of touch with Rich whenever they were close, be it a few fingertips on his shoulder or their sides pressed flush against each other as they were sat on whatever couch or chair was there. There wasn’t anything different, per se, and at the same time, nothing was the same. They were not-quite codependent, and they were not-really vulnerable with each other, and they were not-actually as restrained as before.

The bell finally rang and Rich sprang from his seat, afraid to be excited but unable to hold it in any longer. He dashed to his locker and jerked his last few things would before darting down the hallway and towards Jeremy’s locker. He bounced on the balls of his feet as he waited, trying to contain his enthusiasm, remembering all too well the last time he got this excited, but failing to remain calm. He spotted Jeremy and barreled towards him, crashing into him, excited giggles spilling out of his mouth as Jeremy caught him. “Woah!” Jeremy laughed, steadying them as pink painted itself across his cheeks and _wow he’s so pretty_.

“It’s summer!” Rich exclaimed, grinning up at Jeremy with a face-splitting grin. Jeremy let out a snort and smoothed Rich’s hair back.

“I know _ith thummer_ ,” he teased, the both of them making their way to his locker. Rich chatted animatedly as Jeremy pulled out his things, shifting his weight from side to side as he waited anxiously. Once Jeremy had shut his locker, Rich grabbed his arm and started dragging him down the hallway.

“C’mon, they’re waiting for us!” he urged, bouncing out of his skin in excitement because _I get to play laser tag with tall ass!_ Jeremy laughed and followed, a faint blush spotting along his cheeks. Rich jumped into his car, still bouncing, as Jeremy clamored into the passenger seat. Rich’s hand stayed on the gear stick uselessly as his left leg bumped up and down. He hummed to the music Jeremy played as he drove, navigating their way towards the meetup place for the squad, lost in thought until he felt-

 _Oh_.

Jeremy’s pinky was brushing against his, making Rich’s leg still for a moment as he chanced a glance over at Jeremy, who was staring out the window, face a deep red. Rich tentatively stretched his pinky over Jeremy’s, sucking in a breath when Jeremy wrapped his around Rich’s in return, their little fingers wound together between them. Rich exhaled shakily because _oh my god tall ass is practically holding my hand_ as his leg continued shaking and a smile tugged at his lips.

Once they pulled up to the warehouse, Rich reluctantly let go of Jeremy’s finger, skirting around his car to open Jeremy’s door for him. Jeremy’s face flushed again and he gave Rich a pleased smile, earning a beam in return as he emerged. They walked towards the group side by side, their hands brushing and Rich’s mind racing.

Michael raised an eyebrow at Rich to comment _you’re a little close_ once the pair was within speaking distance and Rich sent a nervous, confused smile, quirking his eyebrows to say _I don’t know_ and getting an eyebrow waggle that meant _get some_ in return, making him shoot Michael a death glare with a huge grin tugging at his lips.

The group filed inside and Rich immediately honed in on the attendant, who was tall, curly haired, and brown eyed. Similar enough to Jeremy for Rich’s purposes. He pulled out all the stops, giving the attendant flirty smiles and brief touches and a piece of paper that had a fake number on it. He watched from the corner of his eye as Jeremy got more and more flustered, immensely pleased with himself at Michael’s silent laughter from where he was hunched over next to Jerm.

The group was split into teams, with Rich, Jake, Brooke, and Christine against Jeremy, Michael, Chloe, and Jenna. Rich gave Jake a fist bump, knowing how good they both were at laser tag, as he heard Jeremy and Michael murmuring something about _‘it’s a two-player game they make an attack’_. Rich felt two gazes trained on his face and glanced up, smug once he noticed Jeremy’s concentrated gaze on Rich’s face because _fuck yes I’m actually making him jealous_. Rich shifted his focus to the attendant, fluttering his eyelashes at him and saying he needed help lacing up his vest.

He heard an irritated noise from Jeremy and turned around, meeting his eyes. Jeremy’s eyebrows were low and his lips were pursed, the tips of his ears red and his eyes focused intensely on Rich. Rich sucked in a breath as he saw Jeremy’s face, ripping his gaze away and definitely not blushing as he stared at his feet because _holy fucking shit tall ass looks hot as hell when he’s frustrated_.

Rich and his team were led towards a door on the opposite side of the room, Rich trailing at the back of the pack. Just before he entered the door, he turned and gave Jeremy a shit eating grin. Jeremy’s face shifted and he took a step forward, Michael falling to the ground with laughter as Rich turned and scurried after his team.

The four of them were led down a hallway, stopping outside a door lined with red LEDs. The attendant instructed them to stay there until the countdown finished and the door turned blue, signaling it was unlocked. He then started walking back the way they came, brushing his hand against Rich’s arm as he passed, making him shudder uncomfortably. Jake let out a guffaw at Rich’s reaction. “You were _so_ trying to make Jeremy jealous,” he snorted, grinning crookedly down at Rich. Rich smirked and nodded.

“Of course I was,” he confirmed. Jake laughed and Brooke let out a giggle. A robotic voice came over the speakers, beginning a countdown from twenty. Rich adjusted his grip on the gun, shooting an excited grin at all his teammates. “Let’s win this shit,” he said, getting a cheer from Brooke and Christine and a calm nod from Jake.

The door unlocked and they entered the hazy room, the room lit by the glow in the dark painted objects and LEDs. Rich snuck around carefully, his heart racing as he took in the atmosphere. He let his left hand trail against the wall, keeping his eyes and ears peeled as he looked for a target. The base location had been predetermined, as they had all played laser tag here before, so Brooke and Christine were remaining there, hidden, while Jake and Rich tried to find the others.

He heard a step behind him and turned and shot quickly, getting a frown from Jenna. “Shit,” she muttered. Rich grinned and darted towards the middle of the warehouse. He saw a flash of green and rushed after it, light on his feet as he tagged them.

“Oh,” Chloe said, looking vaguely surprised. She gave Rich an eyeroll paired with a smile and he saluted her before continuing towards the back wall on his side. He patrolled the area for a bit, creeping carefully and hiding the LEDs on his shoulder that gave him away. He heard a stifled laugh and followed it, disabling Michael, who let out a snort when he saw his face.

“Jeremy’s fucking _pissed_ ,” he laughed. “Good luck.” Rich grinned widely.

“Good,” he said, pleased, making Michael wheeze. Rich walked away, trailing the wall towards the green side. He reached the corner and continued along the green wall, his eyes peeled. He made it about halfway before letting a frustrated sigh out of his nose. _Where’s Jeremy?_

His arm was grabbed and he felt himself being pulled into a corner encapsulated by an almost-closed arc, a single rectangular cutout on the wall to his right. He caught a flash of green before he was being crowded into the corner, a thigh pushing its way between his legs and holding him up against the wall. His breath caught in his throat as he looked up in surprise, seeing Jeremy staring down at him, a wickedly pleased grin on his face. Their hips pressed together as Rich was pushed further into the wall.

He let out a squeak and Jeremy let out a satisfied laugh, his eyes boring into Rich’s until he leaned down and kissed him, soft as a feather, Rich making a choked noise before he sank into it, eyes closing and hands flitting towards Jeremy’s face, only to be caught in one hand and held up above his head. Jeremy lips suddenly used bruising pressure and Rich whimpered, his toes curling once Jeremy slid his tongue into his mouth. He slowly started moving his mouth down Rich’s jaw, pausing just under his right ear to suck harshly, biting at the skin as Rich melted under his touch.

Jeremy kissed him fiercely again, sucking on Rich’s tongue as he pressed him harder into the wall. Rich heard a familiar _zzzing!_ and Jeremy was suddenly gone, Rich left panting and wet mouthed and with Jeremy’s taste on his tongue as he tried to process that _tall ass kissed me tall ass kissed me tall ass fucking kissed me and then-_

“What the fuck?” Rich said incredulously, not sure whether to laugh or slap himself because _tall ass kissed me and then shot me what the hell_. He heard the sound of the siren signaling one minute left in the game and blinked, disoriented. A familiar snort was heard behind him and he spun, seeing Jeremy grinning cockily at him through the window.

“Whatcha gonna do about it?” he teased, grinning. Rich blinked at him twice before he bolted outside the pillar, racing after him as he ran off, laughter spilling from Jeremy as they shoved past Brooke and Chloe having a showdown. He heard Jake and Michael shout something and ignored them, Rich’s own snorts mixing with Jeremy’s giggles that made him sound like he was _so fucking pleased with himself_.

“GAME OVER,” echoed robotically through the stadium and Rich huffed, walking towards his door like he was supposed to. They entered the hallway again, now light, and Jake let out a chortle.

“Dude, where did you get _that_?” he asked, laughing. Rich looked at him in confusion and Jake reached out, pressing three fingers into his neck, making him hiss. _That little shit gave me a hickey_. Rich turned steadily red. (In the future, he would deny this vehemently any time Jake brought it up.)

“Oh my fucking god,” he muttered, Jake laughing at him as they continued down the hallway. He felt a familiar, feminine hand on his shoulder, a single nail sliding down the mark, and he turned to look at Brooke. “How bad?” She grinned at him.

“A solid seven out of ten, magenta, an inch and a half or so,” she said. He groaned and she bit back a laugh, retracting her hand as Christine gasped.

“Did _Jeremy_ do that?” she exclaimed, her hands clutching his arm. “It looks so painful!” Rich laughed sheepishly as her worried eyes examined his face.

“Chris, I’m fine,” he assured. She reluctantly let go and they all continued forward, pausing in front of the scoreboard. Their score came on first, **570 PTS** glowing red. Above it, **650 PTS** appeared in green and Rich groaned. _Fucking tall ass_. He heard cheers from the other side of the door as the four of them pulled off all their gear, hanging them on the provided return racks. When they finally emerged, the triumphant team was nowhere to be found, the attendant also being missing, thankfully. Rich walked out behind the other three, seeing Michael, Jenna, and Chloe all at a bench off to the left.

Someone cleared their throat behind him and he turned slowly, seeing Jeremy leaning single-shouldered against the wall, hands shoved awkwardly in his pockets and a blush high on his cheeks. “Hi,” Rich breathed, taking a few steps closer to mirror how Jeremy was resting against the wall. He felt his heart speed up and his face grow warm when Jeremy smiled at him and _wow I love him_.

“Hi,” he murmured, stepping a little closer and a little away from the wall. He reached out and rested a hand on Rich’s neck, pressing his thumb into the hickey as his smile grew just a little bit smug. Rich breath hissed out through his teeth and Jeremy looked considerably more pleased as he stepped a little closer again, a little bit more caging, the pressure ebbing and his thumb swiping over the area.

Rich tilted his head upwards and smiled at Jeremy as he shifted closer, completely parallel to the wall and with only a few inches of space left. He reached up and rested his left palm flat against Jeremy’s chest, fingers brushing his neck as his eyes narrowed slightly. Jeremy’s hand slid up to cup his cheek, thumb brushing his cheekbone and free hand hesitantly, gently placed on Rich’s hip, Rich’s free hand going to the back of his neck. _Holy shit holy shit holyshitholyshitholyshit-_

Jeremy leaned down, closing the distance behind them, Rich’s eyes sliding shut at the first brush of Jeremy’s lips against his own, letting out a sigh into his mouth and humming when Jeremy’s arms moved to wrap around his waist. Rich’s hands dangled over Jeremy’s shoulders as Jeremy kissed him sweetly, a gentle smile on his lips as he breathed in.

They pulled apart and Rich’s eyes were downcast, slowly rolling up to meet Jeremy’s as their foreheads pressed together, a deep blush underneath Jeremy’s freckles. Honey filled the area just below his stomach and Rich smiled, their lips coming together again once more, twice more, grins on both their faces, Rich feeling warm and pliable and happy because _wow_.

“I love you.” Rich hugged Jeremy tighter as he heard his words, letting out a happy noise. “I love you,” Jeremy repeated, his eyes closing blissfully as a red blush floated onto Rich’s cheeks. Rich let out a laugh, his cheeks hurting from grinning because _oh my god he loves me_.

“I love you,” he said, being rewarded with a blinding smile from Jeremy. “I’m yours, all yours.” Jeremy’s arms tightened around him, holding him fiercely, as if to hide him from any prying eyes.

“Yeah?” he verified, his face in Rich’s shoulder. Rich nodded, pressing a kiss into the junction between Jeremy’s neck and left shoulder, smiling against his skin.

“Yeah,” he confirmed, his arms tightening around him. Jeremy let out a delighted laugh, and _holy shit tall ass loves me_.

They pulled away, hands tangling together, knowing they’d need to talk but knowing it could wait, and approached the group to cheers and exclamations. Rich smiled up at Jeremy, his free hand coming to rest on his forearm, clinging to him, as Jeremy’s hand tightened and he smiled down at him.

After a brief trip to Pinkberry, the group split, Rich sending Michael _a look_ when he and Jake walked off together and getting an eyeroll in return. Rich and Jeremy walked to the car, talking quietly, and Rich was just _so goddamn happy_. Once they were inside, Jeremy plugged in his phone, clicking on a playlist in his Spotify titled _“big mood”_. Rich smiled as a familiar song started playing quietly. “Mine?” Jeremy offered. Rich nodded and started driving, their hands clasped together in between them.

A brief fifteen minutes later, the two were settled in Jeremy’s room, Rich drowning in one of Jeremy’s tanktops and his soft blue cardigan. He sat himself next to Jeremy, leaving a respectable distance between the both of them. Jeremy reached for his hand and Rich took it without hesitation, smiling up at tall ass because _I’m his_.

Rich took a deep breath. “How long?” he asked quietly. Jeremy smiled softly.

“Denny’s,” he answered. Rich nodded, smiling faintly as he reminisced on that night. “I didn’t realise until the, uh- th-the Incident. You?”

“The hospital.” Jeremy let out a quiet snort and Rich grinned up at him. “Figured it _all_ out after the fact. Post-Incident. I was a bit slow on the uptake,” he said easily. Jeremy giggled quietly and squeezed his hand.

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy said quietly. Rich furrowed his eyebrows and grasped his other hand because _tall ass shouldn’t be sorry what the fuck is this_.

“I’m the one who’s sorry. I told you about the stupid squip, none of anything that happened was your fault, it was mine-” he started, Jeremy cutting him off.

“I’m the one who took it, and I’m the one who still lets it rule my life. I’m sorry for abandoning you,” he said, his voice firm. Rich gave him a sad smile.

“I forgave you the moment it happened,” he said gently, Jeremy’s eyes looking sad.

“I don’t deserve that,” he whispered. Rich blinked slowly.

“I disagree. You deserve the world, you’re everything to me, Jeremy,” Rich stated. Jeremy smiled and squeezed his hands.

“You’re pretty much almost the kindest person I’ve ever met,” he murmured, turning pink. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Rich beamed, scooting closer as a blush came to his face again.

Jeremy withdrew his hands and flapped them nervously and _wow that’s endearing_. “How, uh- how fast do we wanna, er, go…?” Rich laughed quietly and cupped Jeremy’s cheek, giving him slight eyes.

“Jer, babe, you have the highest sex drive in the world and I’m a raging bisexual,” he answered, “and we’ve both loved each other for months. I don’t think we need to take it super slow.” Jeremy let out a sigh of relief and grinned at Rich and _this can’t be real holy shit_.

“I’m glad,” he stated devilishly (and awkwardly) before pouncing, kissing Rich harshly. Rich laughed and climbed onto his lap, wrapping his legs around his waist and his arms around his neck. He kissed back just as fiercely, feeling Jeremy’s arms twist around his waist and pull him closer. Rich let out a whine as Jeremy slid his tongue along the roof of his mouth and pressed forward, running his tongue along the front Jeremy’s teeth. He raised a hand into Jeremy’s hair, hand tightening at the back of his head as he licked into his mouth. Jeremy made a high keening noise and Rich yanked on his hair, tugging his head back to bite at the spot on his neck because _I fucking can_. Jeremy let out a low groan and Rich smirked against his skin, worrying at it until he drew back with a satisfied smile.

He met Jeremy’s gaze and was entranced by the intensity there. He dragged his head forward to initiate another bruising kiss, Jeremy’s hands tightening on his waist as the warm, syrupy sensation of arousal pooled in Rich’s groin. As Jeremy’s hands slid over his arms, pulling off the cardigan, and then under his shirt, Rich rolled his hips down, nipping at Jeremy’s bottom lip and smirking at the near-growl that emitted from Jeremy because _yep, hot as shit when he’s mad_.

The world shifted around him as Jeremy broke their kiss to flip them over, pinning Rich under him with his legs spread from being wrapped around Jeremy’s waist. Rich let out a quiet yelp, Jeremy laughing breathlessly and smiling down at him. Rich grinned mischievously and rutted up against Jeremy again, reveling in the way that Jeremy’s eyes darkened. Jeremy grabbed Rich’s wrists, pinning them above him as he rolled his hips down. Rich let out a strangled moan and Jeremy grinned wickedly.

Jeremy started mouthing at his neck as Rich squirmed, arching his back as he tried to make Jeremy _just fucking_ _do something already_. He whined as Jeremy bit on the hickey he’d left earlier and Jeremy’s smile caused the skipping drag of teeth against skin. Rich’s wrists were released and Jeremy tugged at his tanktop, yanking it off him as quickly as he could. Rich pulled at Jeremy’s t-shirt, whining when he wouldn’t get it off. Jeremy scrambled out of it and tossed it somewhere behind him before immediately returning his mouth to Rich’s skin, biting at his collarbones and placing his hands at Rich’s biceps.

Rich made a garbled noise before grabbed at Jeremy’s shoulders and hair, trying desperately to ground himself, to ignore the fear that after this, Jeremy would just walk away again, decide he wasn’t good enough, and instead trying to surrender, to let himself be owned. Jeremy’s hips rolled down and Rich gasped out an “Oh!”, pressing up, towards the friction and towards Jeremy. Jeremy’s lips found his again and they kissed, open mouthed and wet, panting into each other as Jeremy ground down again and again and again.

Rich arched his back as Jeremy’s mouth mapped a trail down his body. Rich’s cock strained against his boxers and he sighed when Jeremy pulled them down, the relief swirling with the anticipation in his chest, skin flushed and eyes drawn to Jeremy, to his hair, to his cheekbones, to the dip of where his throat met his ribcage. Rich jolted and let out a broken moan when Jeremy dug his fingers in just above his hips and pressed a wet kiss to his hipbone, moving down the line of his pelvis. He paused, looking up to meet Rich’s eyes and giving him a wicked smile before _holy shit is that his tongue!?_ -

Rich squirmed, a high whine lacing his exhale as wet noises filled the air. His hands clenched the bedsheets as he moved, wanting _more please please more more Jeremy_ \- Rich inhaled sharply when Jeremy adjusted so that Rich’s legs were over his shoulders, his hands still just above his hip bones, leaving four wonderful, dark bruises under his fingertips and _this is even better oh my god_ \- He writhed as Jeremy slid two fingers into him, chest heaving as Jeremy’s eyes watched him appraisingly, flickering between his entrance and his face. “Jer,” he breathed as a third finger pressed in with the other two, trying to adjust to the slight discomfort when- _oh_.

Rich’s vision faded to white for a moment and he gasped, back arching and face contorting. He looked at Jeremy with wide eyes. “Do that again,” he rapsed. Jeremy grinned and crooked his fingers just so. “Nng- do-don’t stop-p-” Rich pleaded, his lisp prominent. Jeremy chuckled lightly and continued, rubbing that spot unwaveringly. “J-Jer-Jeremy, I-I-”

Jeremy’s fingers retracted and Rich’s hips thrust towards nothing, another whine spilling from his mouth. “Condom?” Jeremy asked breathlessly. Rich shook his head aggressively.

“No, I’ve never- want to feel you,” he gasped, clutching at Jeremy’s shoulders. Jeremy’s face above his was awed.

“You haven’t- e-ever-?” Rich shook his head no again and Jeremy cupped his face, pressing their mouths together in another intense, sloppy, slightly awkward kiss. Rich rutted upward, smiling at Jeremy. “A-are you sure?” His eyes bored into Rich’s and Rich nodded furiously, kissing him because _I want it to be him I need it to be him he’s all I’ve ever wanted Jeremy Jeremy Jeremy_ -

“I wouldn’t have it be anyone else,” he murmured. Jeremy smiled brighter than the sun and kissed him hard, the tension easing itself from his face. The slip of their tongues together was intoxicating, but a few moments later, Rich pulled back enough to say, “Do it.”

Jeremy locked gazes with him, Rich’s eyes completely open and unshrouded as he met Jeremy’s stare. He felt Jeremy line himself up and nodded, maintaining eye contact as he felt the pressure of Jeremy’s head against him. He whined when it slipped inside, Jeremy pausing for a moment to kiss him again.

Rich’s legs over Jeremy’s shoulders, he laid himself bare as Jeremy began to continue pushing into him. Albeit a decent amount of pain, Rich basked in the feeling of being so close to him, Jeremy murmuring praises near-reverently. He bottomed out and Rich sighed, clenching around him and making Jeremy let out a low moan and _wow_. It was just so- _full_. Rich attempted to slide upward and Jeremy gasped, his hips pulling back before snapping back up, his cock dragging against that spot and making Rich see stars.

Jeremy drew himself out before dicking back in again, and again, and again. His thrusts kept speeding up as Rich joined their mouths together again, hips snapping together and praises falling into his mouth as Jeremy pistoned in. A familiar knot started building in Rich’s gut and he met every thrust as best he could as Jeremy fucked him into the mattress. “I-I’m yo-ours,” he gasped out, getting a broken moan and particularly harsh thrust from Jeremy in return.

“Mine, mine, mine,” Jeremy mumbled into Rich’s neck, snapping his hips forward with each proclamation.

“Yours, Jer,” Rich promised. Jeremy whined and moved his face so he could see Rich’s, hips still pistoning. He fucked into him as Rich reached up and cupped his cheek. “Yours.”

“‘M close,” Jeremy whined, nearly in tears. Rich ground his hips up and the tears spilled.

“M-me too,” he breathed, meeting him thrust for thrust still as Jeremy cried, overwhelmed. Jeremy pressed his mouth against Rich’s, breathing heavily as he dicked into him a few more times before Rich felt him shudder and a hot liquid fill him as Jeremy said his name almost reverently. Rich groaned and came untouched, coating their chests in white with a moaned “Jeremy.” Jeremy rolled his hips a few more times, riding out his orgasm, as he collapsed on Rich, crying hot tears and letting Rich’s legs slip around his waist.

Rich smiled up at him and Jeremy smiled back as he felt Rich wiping at his cheeks, holding the smaller boy close and Rich thinking _wow he’s beautiful_. After a few moments, Jeremy carefully slid himself out of Rich, rolling over, and Rich moaned quietly before he stood to grab a washcloth. Jeremy sat and waited for Rich to return, where he wiped both their faces and chests. Jeremy wiped gently at Rich’s gaping hole before he tossed the cloth to the side and they changed the sheets together.

Rich crawled into bed and smiled up at Jeremy as he wrapped his arms around his waist and held him close. “So good,” Rich murmured groggily, nuzzling his face into Jeremy’s bare chest as he let out a laugh. Jeremy’s fingers ran through Rich’s hair as he slowly drifted off with thoughts of _Jer, Jer, Jer_ swirling around his head.

Things still weren’t one hundred percent okay.

But they would be.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much!!
> 
> to reiterate some important stuff, the intermission was supposed to be where i developed the characters more, but i hit a wall and eventually decided to post the story as is. this is as complete as it will be for now, but i would like to explore their universe a bit more if people ask for more content.
> 
> UPDATE:
> 
> okay people liked this and i still want more from my characters so it's gonna be a series now (and i'll probably rarely update it tbqh)


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